Holistic Centre for Body, Mind & Spirit

January 2012

Case study – Michael

All of the case studies you will read here are the experiences of real Anam Cara clients. They have asked for their real names not to be used to protect their privacy but all of them wanted others to know that problems can be overcome, whatever they are.


Jackie and I had been through a difficult period. She had recently had twins, following a very difficult pregnancy. We’d had trouble conceiving and had gone through IVF. She suffered with post-natal depression and my business failed. Behind all of that, Jackie had stored up fears based on her father having had a long-term affair, and other issues. It all added up to a very difficult time and a troubled relationship.

Now, I’m a practical bloke – I see a problem and I try to solve it. I tried lots of different approaches with Jackie – I tried softly-softly, I tried tough, I tried just rolling over. Nothing worked.

I happened to be speaking to a friend of mine who had been having problems with his girlfriend and he’d been seeing Sonia. He had a few issues of his own too, which he explored with Sonia, and over a pint, he shared a lot with me. I was glad he did. I decided to approach Sonia myself. Jackie said she would wait until I’d been a few times to see if it was worth her going or not. We’d had a poor experience at a marriage guidance service, which had put her off trying anything like that again.

Learning together

I had expected to sit and receive guidance from Sonia but that’s not how it worked. You have to do the work yourself if you’re going to change anything. After four or five sessions, Sonia said she’d like to see Jackie too. I didn’t have high hopes – in fact, to be honest it was a last shake of the dice. I felt that if it didn’t work, then at least I could walk away and say ‘well, I tried – maybe it wasn’t meant to be.’

Anyway, Jackie came along and kept coming along. We’ve learnt a lot together. Although still undoubtedly a work in progress, we are now able to work together more to resolve issues – or even better, to avoid situations arising in the first place. It’s all about being able to recognise the way you feel and choosing not to go down the destructive route. We can recognise these moments in ourselves and in each other, so we are able to deal with the situation rather than inflame it.

We communicate better now. Clarity is important, as is prompt action. We communicate more often too, which means we don’t sit and stew on a problem.

I really feel we’ve turned a corner in the past few weeks. We have both acknowledged we have issues and we need to deal with them – and that’s what we’re going to do.